Laugh yourselves out........................Have some fun
An American placed a lunch order.
Marathi speaking air hostess :
Sir, what would you like for lunch, Veg. Curry or Chicken?
American: Fuck the curry, just meat.
Air Hostess : OK, Sir.
At lunch time she brings only curry !!
The American's mind is blown. He says, "What did I tell you & what have you brought?"
She tries to give an explanation, but he cuts her off and tells her to call the chief Steward/Purser. The chief comes and the American explains the case to him. The chief calls the air hostess.
Chief Purser: Tumala kai sangitlay yani?
Air Hostess : Ha Sahib Yani Fakta Curry Sangitlay
...................................By Dr. Ferdinand Dos Reis Falcao
TELEPHONE ANSWER
What an Idea Sardarji !!!
***************************************************************************
Cannibal story by Dr. Ferndinand Dos Reis Falcao
HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIZENS OF INDIA:
*****************************
Only the English could have invented this language ???
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
And if people from Poland are called Poles
Then people from Holland should be Holes
And the Germans, Germs.
And lets not forget the Americans, who changed s to z, but that's another story.
******************************
THE SMART SAILOR AND THE BLONDE
A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO MELBOURNE .By Diogo Fichardo
Once Churchill bab was going to attend the innaguration of a newly built bridge when suddenly his car came to a complete halt. Churchill was annoyed but there was a little garage beside the road. ............................By Dalia
For those who appreciate the quirky,
*********************************************************************************
TheEuropean Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the officiallanguage of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly,this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will bedropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, andkeyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publikenthusiasm in the sekond year when thetroublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". Thiswill make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. ................................. Brought to you by Ashley Fernandes, Margao
*****************************************************
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. ************************************
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.
The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said
"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
..............................Sent by Diogo Lazarus Pereira
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.
The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said
"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
..............................Sent by Diogo Lazarus Pereira
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She
immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again.. The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when
the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The
Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!!'
Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!
............................Diogo Fichardo
**************
An elderly couple went to watch a contest for the strongest bull. After the contest they went to the 3rd prize bull's owner, wanting to know what his secret was.
The woman asked; "How do you make your bull so strong?"The ...owner said; "You have to make sure the bull makes love once a week."
The woman turned to her husband and said;"See!"
The old man was displeased but said nothing.
They then went to the 2nd prize bull's owner and the old woman asked the same question, to which the owner replied; "You must make sure your bull makes love 2 or 3 times a week."
Again the woman turned to her husband and said; "See! See!"
The old man was annoyed but remained silent.
They then went to the 1st prize bull's owner and again the old woman asked the same question. The reply was; "You must make sure your bull makes love at least once every day." The woman turned to her husband and said;"See! See! See!"
This time the old man got angry and asked the owner; "But does your bull always make love to the same cow?" The owner replied; "No, no. Many many cows." The old man quickly turned to the old woman and said; "See! See! See! See .............Sent by Diogo Lazarus Pereira
Why Kenyan Matatu Drivers Go To Heaven...
A Priest dies and waits in line at the Gates of Heaven. Just ahead of him is a guy in casual Jeans and T-Shirt. The Angel addresses this guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to Heaven?' The guy replies, 'I'm Mukuria wa Mwaniki, a Matatu (Mini Bus) driver from Nairobi .'
The Angel consults his list, smiles and says to Mukuria, 'Enter into the Paradise .' So the Kenyan Matatu driver enters Heaven and the Priest is now next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, 'I am Father Alphonse Kamande of St. John Cathedral of Nairobi for the last 43 years.'
The Angel once again consults his list and says, 'I am sorry, you are on waiting list. You have to pass some tests before you get entry to the Kingdom of Heaven .'
The Priest says, 'Just a minute. That man was a Matatu driver, and you issued him an instant entry. But I have to go through more tests. How can this be?'
The Angel replies, 'Father, I am sorry but up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept. While he drove, people prayed.'
.................................................sent by Diogo Fichardo
The Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office
and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,
and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand.
Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.
I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read, and it say:
~~~Polish Remover~~~
Sent by Margarida Crasto
*******************************************************
SHARING SOULS!
One for you Two naughty boys, Larry and Tom, stole a bag of oranges from their home and decided to go to the nearest cemetery to share the loot.
As they are scaling the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the bag and are left behind at the gate.
A heavily drunk man on his way from a local tavern passes near the cemetery Gate and hears the following:
One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.
He immediately sobers up and runs as fast as he can to the local priest.
Pastor : Come with me to witness God and Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.
They both run back to the cemetery gate and the voices continue: One for me, one for you. Suddenly the one voice says: What about the two at the gate?
The priest was the first to run for his life....
Sent By Diogo Lazarus Pereira
***********************************************************************************
What an Idea Sardarji !!!
On a ship an American, a Russian, and anIndian(sardar) were sailing,Suddenly a devil appeared and said, “Drop something into the sea, if I find it,I will eat it and you. If I can’t,then I will be your slave”
American dropped a diamond: Devil found it and ate him. Russian dropped small platinum piece. Devil found it and ate him too. Now its sardar’s turn. Sardar opened a water bottle and poured some water in the sea and asked the devil to find it.
Devil fainted ...
Wow !!!
What an Idea SARDARJI !!! ------ Sent By Diogo Lazarus Pereira
***************************************************************************
Cannibal story by Dr. Ferndinand Dos Reis Falcao
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
Tourist: .....................................................$5.00
Broiled Missionary: .....................................$7.00
Fried Explorer :............................................$9.00
Freshly Baked Politician:
Labour, Liberals, Democrats or Greens:…$150.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a huge price difference for the Politicians?'
The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes the whole morning.'
LOST IDENTITY!
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some
months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when
confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn
from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced
travellers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his
ticket down on the counter and said,
'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'.
The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out..'
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention
please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone
can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14..'
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at
the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F... You!'
Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry, sir,
but you'll have to get in line for that too .
...........................................................................By Diogo Lazarus Pereira
MESS IN HELL BY INDIANS
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some
months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when
confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn
from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced
travellers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his
ticket down on the counter and said,
'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'.
The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out..'
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention
please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone
can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14..'
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at
the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F... You!'
Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry, sir,
but you'll have to get in line for that too .
...........................................................................By Diogo Lazarus Pereira
MESS IN HELL BY INDIANS
The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMW's instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices.
They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing !!
The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'
Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.' Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'
Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'
Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'
After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back. Now what was the question?'
Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'
Satan says, 'Man I don't believe this .. Hold on.'
This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now.. These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire..fire is there to keep them uncomfortably hot !! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone and IIT connection between heaven and hell between ME and GOD. I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them !! Some were trying to start a chai - pakora, Chole batura, channa, Dosa and samosa, barfi, Chakli and Dokla shop, which I had to stop..I am requesting you OH LORD PLEASE send them back to earth as soon as they arrive for re-birth".
So this is the story why Indians are the only ones that are re-born !!!
------
Comment: And once they come back, they join politics and make our lives miserable just like Gabriel's and Satan's.
..................By Diogo Lazarus Pereira
*************************************************************************HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIZENS OF INDIA:
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's BOMBAY
----------------------------------------
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on
their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB !!!
----------------------------------------
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD
----------------------------------------
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes.
He writes a software program to stop the fight.
But the fight doesn't stop because of a virus in the program.
That's BANGALORE
----------------------------------------
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense..
Peace settles in...
That's CHENNAI
----------------------------------------
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth
and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in CALCUTTA !
----------------------------------------
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says,
"don't fight in front of my place, go sum where else and keep fighting".
That's KERALA !
----------------------------------------
And the best one is ......
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as friends.
You are in GOA !!!______________
Viva Goa and Niz Goenkars!!!!!! Let Peace Prevail!!!
*****************************
Only the English could have invented this language ???
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
And if people from Poland are called Poles
Then people from Holland should be Holes
And the Germans, Germs.
And lets not forget the Americans, who changed s to z, but that's another story.
By Lazarus Pereira
******************************
THE SMART SAILOR AND THE BLONDE
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her "You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. "I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe ."
"I see," the captain says.
"Plus," (wanting to make a full confession, she adds) "He's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
By Diogo Lazarus Pereira
A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO MELBOURNE .By Diogo Fichardo
SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'
SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER COIN IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, AND YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE .'
THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER COIN IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ:
'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A VIOLIN.'
THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG - I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A MAN CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS VIOLIN CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM. WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE MAN'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE VIOLIN, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC..
SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING, 'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'
BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER COIN, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG , YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG ,AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.
ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.' SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE,PUT IN ANOTHER COIN AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO MELBOURNE .'
Once Churchill bab was going to attend the innaguration of a newly built bridge when suddenly his car came to a complete halt. Churchill was annoyed but there was a little garage beside the road. ............................By Dalia
Churchill called out to the boys in the garage: Hey, inga ieat re, moji carr kiteak bond podli ti check korat. Vegim maca vochpak zai.
The poor village mechanic came along with his auto electrician, checked for a while and said: Patrao, tuje gaddiechem engine borem assam, fokot tuji EXIDE battery assa ti fail zalea.
Churchill: Are reddea, ek sidichi battery fail zalea zalear dusre sidichi cholonona?
Mechanic: Toxem nui patrao, ek sidechi noi, EXIDE battery assa poi ti, eke sidechi nhoi re saiba.
******************************************************************For those who appreciate the quirky,
politically incorrect humour................
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque..
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside...
================================================
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake -
both are in intensive care...
One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
================================================
During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City Council said
'We didn't even know they were living up there'.
================================================
Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough
television shows with minorities in mind,
so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.
================================================
================================================
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me...
I mean, a ginger haired kid, with two friends?
================================================
I was reading in the paper today about
this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
================================================
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke
standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
By Diogo Lazarus Pereira